


The Torgo Twitch

by aardvark_french



Series: The Emo Maguire Saga [10]
Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald, Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966), Marvel Cinematic Universe, My Chemical Romance, Spider-Man (Movies - Raimi), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Good Place (TV)
Genre: 1960s, Action, Angst, Black Parade Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack Relationships, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Freudian Elements, Historical Inaccuracy, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, In-Jokes, M/M, Memes, Mental Health Issues, New Jersey, Old Sport (The Great Gatsby), Pizza, Polyamory, Romance, Spoilers, Texas, Time Travel, Tobey Maguire is Spider-Man, Why Did I Write This?, also just inaccuracy in general, but you knew that already, justice for torgo, past tahani al-jamil/leonardo dicaprio, spider-man is a sneaky spooder, what hell yeah what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 08:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30002346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aardvark_french/pseuds/aardvark_french
Summary: A mysterious cosmic force throws Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Tobey Maguire, Tahani-Al Jamil, and Ray Torgo back in time to 1960s El Paso, and the Master does not approve...Welcome to Emo Maguire Season 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Tobey Maguire, Frank Iero/Tobey Maguire/Gerard Way, Nick Carraway/Jay Gatsby, Tahani Al-Jamil/Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate), Tobey Maguire/Gerard Way
Series: The Emo Maguire Saga [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2095386
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	The Torgo Twitch

“This might be the most fun I’ve had at a ski resort since my good friend Shadow The Hedgehog and I installed a postmodernist sculpture of an avocado on top of Mount Kilimanjaro.” 

“You’ll have to tell me that story sometime, my love,” Ray Torgo said as he sipped on his hot cocoa and wrapped an arm around Tahani Al-Jamil. He never thought that he’d find himself here, on a romantic getaway with a sexy giraffe, but somehow, he’d gotten lucky enough to marry someone who wasn’t just another wife, but his best friend and his soulmate. Every time she smiled, every time she looked at him, Torgo went weak in his oversized knees, and for the first time in his abnormally long life, he didn’t feel quite so alone. 

“Oh, it’s not that complicated,” Tahani said. “I’ve been everywhere Torgo, from London to Dubai to Beyoncé’s yacht, but…” She reached out to touch his long, flowing beard, and she said, “Nothing compares to when I’m around you.” 

Torgo snuggled up next to Tahani, the hot cocoa, the heat of the fire, and the simple fact that he was with this tall, glamorous woman who threw the best parties ever all warming his heart. “I love you, Tahani,” he said, admiring the wedding ring on her finger. Tahani, of course, had insisted on replacing the strawberry Ring Pops from the impromptu wedding ceremony at CVS with multimillion-dollar diamonds set in platinum, and when Torgo saw just how beautiful that ring looked on her finger, he knew that she had made the right choice. 

“I love you too, Torgo,” Tahani said as she held her husband close. “But we’re like Deirdre and Margaret sometimes…”

“Who?” 

“The main characters of my favorite TV show,” Tahani explained. “It ran for 16 years on the BBC, and they made 30 whole episodes.” She paused and then said, “We’re different, but that’s what I love about us. I’m wealthy, beautiful, good at everything and certainly the most humble person I know, and you’re literally from New Jersey, the Armpit of America.” 

“Actually, I lived in El Paso before I moved to New Jersey.” 

“That’s somehow worse.” Tahani paused and then said, “It’s okay, Torgo. I don’t hold it against you. You’re the best husband a woman like me could ask for.” 

Torgo nearly cried tears of joy when he heard those words. “I don’t deserve you, Tahani,” he said. 

“You deserve the world, Torgo,” Tahani said. “And as my good friends K/DA once said, ‘ain’t nobody bringing us down, down, down, down, down, down...’” 

Just as Tahani said that, a giant Plot Hole opened up right next to them, and as Tahani and Torgo held each other close, trying not to panic, both of them got sucked in the portal. They fell through time and space, and when they finally hit the ground, Tahani looked across the lifeless desert landscape. 

“Torgo, I have a feeling we’re not in Switzerland anymore…” 

Meanwhile, in the Armpit of America, Gerard Way was in the lab. MCR was in the midst of recording The Black Parade, and the white-haired lead singer was busy coming up with titles for their latest batch of loud horny vampire songs. For one, what was he supposed to call the hidden track? The lyrics mostly consisted of Gerard singing about blood, blood, gallons of the stuff, but after some thought, he decided to give up on giving it an obnoxiously long song title like “You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison” or “It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Fucking Deathwish” and decided to just call it “Blood.” 

Gerard looked toward the pictures hanging on the walls of the studio, and sandwiched in between two calming photos of wheat fields, there was a picture of him with his two boyfriends, Frank Iero and Tobey Maguire. As he gazed upon the blue-eyed web slinger and then took a good hard look at the vertically challenged guitarist, his inner goddess did exactly eight pull-ups and then did some truly epic air guitar to an Iron Maiden song while aggressively drinking oolong tea. 

Then, all of a sudden, Tobey swung into the lab. 

He was dressed in his Spider Suit, and he was carrying a huge stack of pizza boxes, which he dropped next to Gerard’s microphone as he hung upside down from his web. Gerard immediately tore off Tobey’s mask and kissed him passionately. “Tobey,” he whispered. “I’ve been waiting all day to see you.”

“Me too, Gee,” Tobey said. “Fighting crime just isn’t the same without you.” 

“What were you up to today?” 

“Stilts-Man tried to steal these 42 pizzas, so I knocked him out with one punch, and the pizzeria was so impressed that they gave me the pizzas for free.” 

“That’s awesome, Tobes.” 

“I guess,” Tobey said as he dropped down to the ground and sighed. “I haven’t really gotten a real challenge since Waluigi tried to take over the world on Waluigi Day. I’ve been reduced to rescuing cats in trees and fighting people like Stilts-Man. Nothing interesting ever happens around here.” 

“Don’t say that,” Gerard said. 

“Say what?” 

“Nothing interesting ever happens around here. Just the act of saying it guarantees that something bizarre and dangerous is about to happen to us.” 

Tobey thought about this for a moment and then said, “You’re right. I shouldn’t have said that. Maybe it’s a good thing that the New York metropolitan area has been so safe lately.” 

“It means you’re doing your job.” 

Tobey smiled, held Gerard close, and then said, “Speaking of doing my job, what do you say we deliver these pizzas to Frank’s house?” 

“Sounds like a great idea, Tobes,” Gerard said, and Tobey immediately put his mask back on, grabbed the pizza boxes, and shot a web out of the room. He and Gerard then flew out the door, and as Tobey swung from web to web high above New Jersey, Gerard clutched onto his boyfriend, sure that he would keep him safe tonight.

“I wish Frank was here to see this,” Gerard said as he looked down over his hometown, even the tallest buildings seeming miniscule from this height. 

“Yeah, me too,” Tobey said, and just like Gerard, his inner goddess played a whole jazz solo on the piano out of pure joy just thinking about the arachnophobic New Jerseyan rat. He only wished that Frank wouldn’t scream at the mere sight of a spiderweb, that he could share this part of his life with his favorite diminutive tattoo addict. 

The two of them landed just outside of Frank’s house, and when the rhythm guitarist opened the door, Tobey dropped the pizzas on the table and said, “Pizza time.” 

Frank’s dogs immediately ran into the room, eager to greet Gerard and Tobey, but Frank shouted, “SIT!” and all 31 trillion of his ridiculously well-trained canines sat there, staring up at Frank with puppy-dog eyes. Meanwhile, Mikey put down his bass guitar, got up off of the couch, and smiled as soon as he saw the pizza boxes. 

“Oh good,” he said. “There’s dinner.” 

“Did you think there wouldn’t be?” Gerard said as he gave his brother a concerned look. 

“Well, I burned the frozen thing earlier…” 

“How?” Tobey asked. 

“It’s a frozen thing!” Gerard exclaimed. “How do you burn a frozen thing?!” 

“I put it in the toaster,” Mikey said. 

Gerard glanced toward his four-foot-tall boyfriend and said, “Frankie, I love you, but you were supposed to make sure that Mikey didn’t do anything dangerous with electricity while I was in the lab.” 

“Now, let me be frank…” 

Mikey screamed and ran off to dunk his head in some Brain Bleach over that ridiculously bad pun, while Tobey opened up one of the pizza boxes and got a whiff of that delicious mozzarella cheese. However, as he was slicing up the pizza, his Spider-Sense began to tingle. 

All of a sudden, a Plot Hole opened up, and Tobey, Gerard, Frank, and Mikey were all sucked inside. “W-what’s happening?” Mikey asked, while Frank just screamed at the top of his lungs. The four of them tumbled through the portal, falling through space and time and every last plane of existence until they finally landed somewhere in the desert, right next to Tahani and Torgo. 

Tobey unfortunately managed to land right on top of the hood of a convertible, interrupting a couple in the middle of a make-out session, and when he stumbled to his feet, he muttered, “My back...my back…” 

“Are you okay, Tobes?” Gerard asked. 

“I’m okay,” Tobey said, but he was still holding onto his back. “Trust me.” 

“Where are we?” Mikey asked as he looked around, bewildered by his strange surroundings. 

“I don’t know, Mik…” Gerard said, but before he could finish his sentence, he was interrupted by Frank’s lips colliding into his. Gerard was surprised at first, but he soon kissed Frank back, and before long, the two of them were far too busy making out with each other to pay attention to anything else going on around them. 

“Not this again,” Mikey said before dunking his head in Brain Bleach once again. 

“What are you doing?” Tahani asked as Gerard deepened the kiss and ran his hands through Frank’s jet black hair. 

“What does it look like we’re doing?” Gerard asked through a mouthful of Frank’s tongue. 

Frank finally broke the kiss, and while he was still holding onto Gerard, he said, “Technically, they started it.” 

“Who?” Torgo asked. 

“The couple behind you,” Frank said. 

“You know, the ones in that car that I fell on top of?” Tobey said. 

Torgo looked behind him, and sure enough, the couple had long since disregarded the damage to their car and had gone back to making out. “Oh God,” Torgo said. “It...it can’t be…” 

Torgo clumsily walked away, and the others followed him, but not before Tobey dropped some money on the hood of the car. Unlike the Avengers, Tobey was a good, ethical superhero who always paid for the damage he caused, even if it meant that he wouldn’t be able to pay his rent on time. 

The six of them kept on walking until they approached a mysterious lodge. In front of the house, there was a family - a man, a woman, a young girl, and a dog - and Torgo was standing in the doorway, taking care of the place. 

“And the Master wouldn’t approve,” he told the family, but they didn’t seem to listen to the thick-legged satyr-like being. 

“Don’t worry about it. We’re here now, and I’m sure the Master won’t throw us out,” the man said. “Well, how about it, Torgo?”

“I don’t want to stay,” the woman objected. “Let’s leave.” 

“I don’t know about it,” Torgo said. “I just don’t know.” 

The Torgo from 2006 froze as he stared blankly at his past self. “Torgo,” Tahani said. “Are you alright?” 

“It’s Margaret, Michael, and Debbie,” the satyr responded. “I tried to get them to leave, but they wouldn’t, and then…” 

“Torgo, it’s okay. You’re safe with us,” Tahani said as she held her husband close. “Do...do you know where we are?” 

Torgo paused for a long time, and then he said, “El Paso, Texas. 1966.”

“How?” Mikey asked. 

“Someone must have brought us here,” Gerard said. 

“Oh, like that time I went time traveling with my good friends Ralph Bohner, Nyan Cat, and Squidward,” Tahani said. “That was fun.” 

Torgo had a faraway look in his eyes as he said, “I was nothing but a lowly servant of Manos, but I was trying to start a revolution. I was working with the wives to free them from the Master, but then Mike, Margaret, and Debbie arrived, and I tried to tell them to leave, but…” 

“That’s the way the cult in El Paso crumbles,” Gerard said. 

“Crumble...the cult...in El Paso,” Torgo said. “I like that idea.” 

“Me too,” Frank said. “You know, while we’re here, why don’t we try to take down the Master? We have Tobey with us, and maybe Torgo will finally get some closure if we can defeat his old enemy.” 

“That’s the worst idea I’ve heard since my good friend Michael Jordan told me he was going to play major league baseball,” Tahani said. 

“I don’t know,” Gerard said. “It sounds pretty good to me.” 

“Me too,” Tobey said. 

“I...I’ve always dreamed of defeating the Master,” Torgo said. “Every night, even now, after forty years, I think of all those wives still under the Master’s spell, and I have the worst nightmares about what must have happened to them.” 

“Oh, Torgo,” Tahani said. “I completely understand.” 

“You do?” Torgo said. 

“Sometimes, I have nightmares about wearing off-brand heels…” 

Meanwhile, Gerard turned to Tobey and asked, “You can take down the Master, right?” 

“Probably,” Tobey said. 

“So you’ll go in first, and if you can’t beat the Master, the rest of us can help you.” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Tobey said. He sighed and then added, “No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, the ones I love will always be the ones who pay.”

“Don’t say that, Tobes,” Gerard said. “We can handle ourselves.” 

“Yeah, remember when we took down that whole army of vibranium emus?” Frank said. 

Tobey shuddered. “Emus are scary,” he said. 

“Well, I got a bulletproof heart, you got a hollow-point smile, and I think it’s about time we blew a hole in this town,” Gerard said, and when he looked toward the others, Tobey was smiling, and Torgo seemed to have a shred of hope that he might finally defeat the Master after all of these years. At last, they were ready to destroy the cult of Manos. 

That night, Tobey hid in the shadows behind the Master’s house, dressed in his Spider Suit, with Gerard by his side. The two icons of mid-2000s pop culture watched in horror as the Master, who looked more like a butterfly than a sadistic cult leader, burned 1966 Torgo’s left hand off. “Are you sure I can’t save him?” Tobey asked Gerard. 

“I wish we could, but...well, we know that it all turns out okay,” Gerard explained as 1966 Torgo ran off into the night with his wrist stump still on fire. “Our Torgo wouldn’t be here if this Torgo didn’t escape.”

Tobey contemplated that for a moment - he hated the idea of letting the Master get away with this, but if he intervened, Torgo would stay in El Paso, and My Chemical Romance wouldn’t exist, and what kind of a horrible world would that be? Once Torgo was gone, Tobey latched his web onto a nearby tree, and he was about to swing over to the Master when all of a sudden, another Spider-Man, one that looked like he had somehow popped out of a 60s cartoon, swung by and pointed at him. 

Tobey looked panicked as he turned to Gerard and whispered, “What do I do? He’s pointing at me!” 

“Point back, obviously,” Gerard said. 

Tobey did so, but out of the corner of his eye, he spotted the Master heading back into the house, so he swooped toward the cult leader and shot web in his direction while 60s Spider-Man snuck away. He shot web after web, but as it turned out, the Master hardly put up a fight. Within seconds, he was trapped in a web cocoon, unable to move, much less lead a terrifying polygamist cult devoted to Manos. 

“That was easy,” Tobey said. 

He held onto Gerard and swung back over to Frank, Mikey, Tahani, and Torgo. “We did it,” Gerard said. “We defeated the Master.” 

Torgo smiled, but he couldn’t celebrate for long. “How are we going to get home?” Tahani asked. “I told 100 gecs I would help them with their new album tonight…” 

“We should figure out who brought us here in the first place,” Mikey said. “They can probably bring us back to the present too.”

“It must have been Gatsby,” Frank said. “He’s the only person we know who’s rich enough to warp reality.” 

“Is Gatsby even still alive in 1966?” Mikey asked. 

“It’s at least worth a try,” Gerard said. “Maybe we could call him.” 

“Torgo, is there a touch-tone telephone around here?” Frank asked. 

“The Master doesn’t approve of such devices,” Torgo said. 

“Then where’s the nearest phone?” 

“The nearest phone is at the crossroads. That's ten miles.”

Frank sighed and started walking, and everyone else followed him. Tobey would have gotten there first if he could swing on his web, but there weren’t nearly enough tall buildings to swing on in rural Texas, so he walked alongside Frank and Gerard, cherishing the extra time with his boyfriends. 

Eventually, they made it to a phone booth, and Frank played with the rotary dial while Gerard flipped through the yellow pages in search of Gatsby’s number. “I don’t see the Jay Gatsby Foundation in here anywhere,” he said. “There are restaurants, home services, rug dealers…” 

“Rug dealers?” Frank said, laughing. 

“Looks like there are hot tub dealers and ice cream dealers too,” Mikey said as he looked over his older brother’s shoulder. 

“Let me see that,” Tobey said as he latched his web onto the phone book, pulled it closer to him, and started flipping through it. “Ooh!” he exclaimed. “Pizza dealers!” 

Torgo rolled his eyes. “Do you want to go home or not?” he said. “Besides, it will be dark soon.” 

Gerard looked up at the sunny, blue sky, while Tobey sighed and turned to the Community Services section. “I found it,” he said. “The Jay Gatsby Foundation Relief Center’s phone number is 915-555-0142. Hopefully, they’ll have some idea of whether or not we’ll be able to get a hold of Gatsby.” 

Torgo dialed the number, and Tobey picked up the receiver. “Hello, you’ve reached the Jay Gatsby Foundation Relief Center - El Paso Chapter,” the person on the other end of the line said. “How can I help you today?” 

“Hi, is there any chance I could talk to Gatsby?” Tobey asked as he aggressively ate a cookie.

“Where did you even get those?” Mikey asked, causing Tobey to smile conspiratorially. However, before Tobey could answer Mikey’s question, the person on the other end of the line laughed.

“You seriously think you can just call a random relief center in Texas and speak to the richest man in the world?” she said. 

“Yes?” Tobey said. 

The woman laughed again and then said, “I can take a message if you’d like, but unless it’s really important, I seriously doubt it will attract the attention of the great Gatsby. Honestly, we’re not even sure that he exists.” 

Tobey sighed and said, “Okay. This is Tobey Maguire - I got thrown back in time to 1966, and Gerard, Frank, Mikey, Torgo, and…” He looked around, but the statuesque party planner was gone. “Hang on. Where did Tahani go?” 

Torgo looked around for his wife, and when he realized that she was nowhere to be found, he panicked. Tobey hung up the phone, and he, along with the members of MCR, sprinted the ten miles back to the Master’s house. Along the way, they kept an eye out for Tahani, but it seemed like without them was how she disappeared. 

When they finally reached the lodge, they saw that their worst fears had come true. 

Michael was standing in front of the house, taking care of the place just as Torgo once had, and to everyone’s horror, there were a handful of new faces among the wives. 

Margaret, Debbie, and Tahani. 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Torgo screamed. “Does anyone notice? Does anyone care? We're damned, after all! Through fortune and flame, we fall! Life is but a dream for the dead!!” 

As Torgo drowned in his emo angst, Frank grabbed his cane, and in an instant, he knew what to do. Mike was the real villain of the story, the man behind the man. He had lured all of these women here, and even without the Master, he was keeping all of them under his spell. Frank sprinted up to Michael, and he lifted the cane high above his head before slamming it into Michael’s skull. 

The caretaker grabbed onto the tiny guitarist and kicked him like a stray, but he couldn’t keep the wives hypnotized while he was busy fighting Frank. Tahani’s eyes snapped open, and she quickly untied herself, ran up to Michael, and punched him in the face. 

“I learned that move from my good friend John Cena!” Tahani shouted. She then hit him with a baseball bat and said, “And I learned that from my good friend Kit Adamses!” Finally, she started to dance, her moves so perfect that even Tobey, the reigning lord of the emo dance, was impressed. “I learned that from my good friends in BTS!” 

While Frank and Tahani fought Michael, the wives freed themselves, but Debbie, Margaret’s young daughter, was still trapped. As soon as he saw Debbie struggling, Tobey ran up to her and quickly untied her, but the child was terrified. 

“It’s okay,” Tobey said as he helped her climb down to the ground. “I’m just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.” 

Debbie reached for his mask and pulled on it as hard as she could, and it ripped, exposing part of his face. “Hey!” Tobey exclaimed. “I just fixed that!” 

“You’re not my Spider-Man,” Debbie said in a voice that sounded more like an old woman’s than a little girl’s.

Tobey sighed and handed Debbie back to Margaret, and when he looked back at Michael, he saw that Frank and Tahani had beat him to a pulp, that he was seconds away from losing consciousness. One more hit, and the cult of Manos would be gone forever, but nevertheless, his Spider-Sense was still tingling...

That was when Michael pulled out a gun, aimed it at Frank, and fired. 

Tobey tried to jump in front of Frank to take the bullet instead, but he wasn’t fast enough. Frank screamed and fell to the ground, and Tobey, with tears in his eyes, webbed up Michael, ensuring that he would never be able to hurt his friends again. Tobey then ran over to Frank, sobbing over his boyfriend’s motionless body, and Gerard, Tahani, Mikey, and Torgo soon followed. 

“I...I don’t think I’m going to make it,” Frank said as he rolled over slightly, revealing the gaping hole in his chest. “I’ll leave you a phantom in the summer to join the Black Parade…” 

“No,” Tobey said, still sobbing. “Don’t be afraid to keep on living, Frank.” 

“I love you Tobey, but there...there’s nothing we can do. We can’t even call an ambulance when the nearest phone is ten miles away,” Frank said. “It’s over.” 

While Tobey broke down and cried once again, Tahani crouched down next to Frank and said, “Frank, I know we never really got the chance to get to know each other, but I’ll miss you so much. Make sure to say hello to my good friends Abraham Lincoln, Jane Austen, and every dog in an award-winning children’s story ever.”

“I...I will,” Frank muttered, but he was fading fast. 

“Frank,” Torgo said. “It was great being your bandmate. Not only were you the best rhythm guitarist I could ever ask for, you were a true friend. Thank you for being there for me.” 

“You really were a great bandmate. MCR won’t be the same without you,” Mikey said. “Also, thanks for making my brother happy, even if it means I have to put up with you, Gee, and Tobey being the most sickeningly sweet throuple in existence.” 

Gerard held onto Frank, and in between sobs, he said, “Now I know that I can’t make you stay, but Frank, you really did make me the happiest man alive. You were everything to me, and when we’re together...it’s like magic. Fireworks. Now and always, I love you, Frankie. So long and goodnight.” 

Gerard gently kissed Frank’s forehead, and everyone looked to Tobey, hoping that he might have some poignant last words, one last goodbye for Frank. However, the web-slinger was bawling his eyes out, his waterfall of tears making it impossible for him to say anything remotely coherent. 

“These...bright...lights...have...always...blinded...me…” Frank said softly before he closed his eyes for the last time. Tahani, Torgo, Mikey, Gerard, and Tobey all burst into tears once again, but then again, what else was there to do when Frank Iero had met his tragic end?

As the five of them mourned the loss of My Chemical Romance’s rhythm guitarist, an old man stumbled over to them. When he reached Frank, he placed a large stack of $100 bills onto his chest, and all of a sudden, Frank’s wounds began to heal. His eyes fluttered open, and when Frank looked up, the man gave him one of those rare, beautiful smiles and said, “It’s not the end yet, old sport.” 

Gerard and Tobey embraced their boyfriend, glad that he was alive and well once more, but Gerard soon got up and gave the old man a hug. “Gatsby!” he exclaimed. “You came!” 

“Well, old sport, Nick’s Spider-Sense wouldn’t stop tingling, and then the relief center in El Paso reported a strange message from someone named Tobey Maguire, so I knew you might be in need of my assistance,” Gatsby said, leaning on his cane. “Looks like I came just in the nick of time.” 

“A couple minutes ago wouldn’t have been so bad either,” Tobey said. 

“So you’re the great Gatsby?” Tahani asked. Gatsby nodded, and Tahani said, “I have a lot of questions.” 

“Go for it, old sport,” Gatsby said. 

“Any relation to my ex-boyfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio?” 

“I don’t know who that is, old sport.” 

Tahani frowned and then asked, “Did you bring us to 1966?” 

Before Gatsby could answer, another elderly gentleman approached them. “That’s a good question,” he said. “Sometimes, it seems like Gatsby can’t go a single day without almost ripping apart the fabric of reality.” 

Gatsby smiled at him with an irresistible prejudice in his favor and said, “I’m doing my best, old sport.”

“Oh God,” Tobey said as he looked at Nick. “Is that what I’m going to look like when I’m older?” 

“I hope so,” Gerard said. “Nick and Gatsby look good for their age.” 

“By the way, old sport, do you know who Leonardo DiCaprio is?” Gatsby asked Nick, who just gave him a confused look. “Apparently Tahani thinks I look like him.” 

“I remember Daisy’s granddaughter saying that she thinks you look like Robert Redford,” Nick said. 

“Interesting,” Gatsby said. 

“Daisy thinks you look more Alan Ladd though.” 

“Who do _you_ think I look like, old sport?” 

“I think you look like Jay Gatsby,” Nick said with a smile. “Still beautiful after all these years.” 

“Aww, thanks Nick,” Gatsby said. “I love you, old sport.”

“I love you too.” 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Tahani complained. 

“Sorry, old sport,” Gatsby said. “No, I didn’t bring you to 1966. I genuinely don’t know how you got here, old sport.”

“Can you send us back to 2006?” Tahani asked. 

“Sure, old sport,” Gatsby said. He threw a stack of $100 bills in the air, and all of a sudden, a Plot Hole opened up. 

“How do those things work anyways?” Nick asked. “You make it the same way every time, but they always take you to a different place…” 

“You’re not supposed to think too hard about it, old sport,” Gatsby said. 

“But…” 

While Gatsby and Nick bickered like an old married couple - then again, after being together for 44 years, they practically were an old married couple - Frank, Gerard, Tobey, Mikey, Torgo, and Tahani jumped into the Plot Hole. They fell through time, space, and every last plane of existence, but before long, they landed in front of Frank’s house in the year 2006, the sound of Frank’s dogs barking and that infamous Jersey stench making them all feel right at home. 

“Finally,” Mikey said. “I missed my flip phone.” 

“And MySpace!” Frank exclaimed. “I really missed MySpace.” 

“Wait a minute,” Tahani said. “Torgo, my love, you were alive in 1966. How old are you?” 

Torgo paused for a moment before he said, “I don’t know.” 

“How do you not know?” 

“I don’t remember anything from before I took care of the place while the Master was away,” Torgo said.

“And what did you do after you escaped?” 

“I got a new left hand, obviously,” Torgo said, wiggling the fingers on his left hand. “And then I set out to become the greatest guitarist in the world.” 

“Obviously, you succeeded,” Gerard said. “Otherwise, we wouldn’t have My Chemical Romance.” 

“Well, I did my best,” Torgo said. “For over thirty years, I traveled the universe, learning the art of shredding the electric guitar from some of the greatest musicians to ever live. I studied with Jimi Hendrix, Brian May, and Eddie Van Halen. I learned every single guitar technique in existence. I even played with Disaster Area, the loudest band in the galaxy. And when I felt like it was time, I moved to New Jersey, masquerading as a twenty-something guitar player with a glorious ‘fro. 

“That was when I met Gerard, and...and…” Torgo started to tear up as he said, “He was the first person who was ever nice to me. All my life, I had been treated like the lowly caretaker I was, but Gerard treated me like a friend, a brother. And when he asked me to join MCR, I knew I had to say yes. Because when I set out on this adventure, I never imagined playing with a singer who can’t play Sweet Home Alabama on the guitar, a bassist who learned how to play in a week, and a rhythm guitarist who’s more famous for making out with the singer than for his actual guitar playing, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Gerard, Mikey, and Frank, you guys are like the family I never had.” 

Of course, the other three members of MCR rushed over to Torgo, and it quickly turned into a group hug. “Oh, Torgo,” Gerard said as Torgo continued to cry tears of joy. “You know I love having you as a bandmate and as a friend. MCR wouldn’t be the same without you.” 

Torgo broke away from the group hug, his eyes still filled with tears, and he said, “I still think about El Paso all the time. I get these awful flashbacks, and it’s like I’m there again, under the Master’s control. Sometimes, it feels like I’ll never get over what happened with the cult of Manos.” 

This time, Tahani gave him a hug. “I...I’m so sorry all of this happened to you,” she said. “I’m here for you though, Torgo. Always.” 

“Thank you, Tahani,” Torgo said as he held his wife close. 

“It’s okay if you’re not okay, Torgo,” Gerard said. “You might want to think about getting some professional help though.” 

“I don’t know about that,” Torgo said as he wiped away his tears. “I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find a therapist who understands what I’ve been through.” 

“My therapist is pretty understanding,” Gerard said. “He only thought I was slightly insane when I said I was dating Spider-Man!” 

“Who’s your therapist?” Torgo asked. 

“Sigmund Freud’s brain in a jar.” 

“Wait a second,” Frank said. “Gee, you’re seeing Dr. Freud?” Gerard nodded, and Frank exclaimed, “I’m seeing Dr. Freud!” 

“He’s good, isn’t he? I really think he’s done a lot to help me process the whole experience of being in a famous rock band…” 

“I don’t know,” Frank said. “He spends a lot of time making me lie down on a couch and talk about my mother.” 

“Oh, he does that for me too,” Gerard said. 

“He thinks I want to kill my father and marry my mother, which doesn’t make sense on a lot of levels, but given that I’m gay…” 

“This Freud guy sounds like a quack,” Torgo said. “Maybe I don’t need therapy after all.” 

“Actually, I’m in therapy too, and I think it’s helped a lot,” Mikey said. 

“Who’s your therapist, Mikey?” Torgo asked. 

“This guy named Otto Octavius,” Mikey said. “I think his degree is technically in physics, not psychology, but even so, he’s really helped me grow as a person…” 

Tobey looked rather alarmed. “Doc Ock is back?!” he exclaimed. “I thought he was dead!” He then turned to Torgo and said, “I think I know someone who might be able to help you. Someone who’s not a brain in a jar or a literal supervillain.” 

“Who?” Torgo asked. 

“My Aunt May!” Tobey said. “She got so good at giving me pep talks that she got her mental health counseling license, and she’s running a healing circle on Thursday. I’m planning to go, and if you want to come, I would be happy to go with you.” 

“I think I’d like that a lot,” Torgo said with a smile. He wasn’t okay, but for now, he could live with that. He would be okay soon. 

That Thursday, Torgo waited outside of the New York City Mental Health Center, wondering when Tobey would arrive. He had said he would be here ten minutes ago, but so far, Torgo hadn’t seen the web-slinger anywhere. He leaned against the building and stroked his beard as he wondered who had thrown him back to 1966. Gatsby said that he hadn’t done anything, but If it wasn’t him, then who was it? 

All of a sudden, Tobey swung in on his web and landed right next to Torgo. “Sorry I’m late,” he said. “It’s a jungle out there. I had to beat an old lady with a stick to get these mangoes.”

“Mangoes?” Torgo said, apparently not concerned about any other part of that sentence.

“They’re for Aunt May,” Tobey clarified. “She really likes dried mangoes, so I bring her some every time I visit.” 

“Maybe you could call her Aunt Mayngo,” Torgo said, causing Tobey to laugh. 

“Come on,” Tobey said as he opened the door to the mental health center. “Let’s go see Aunt Mayngo.” Tobey and Torgo went inside, and as they walked down the hallway, Tobey turned to the satyr and said, “Can you do me a favor?” 

“What is it?” 

“Aunt May...she doesn’t know I’m Spider-Man, and I don’t know how she’ll react if she finds out,” Tobey said. 

“How does she not know?” Torgo asked, genuinely confused. He was under the impression that Tobey’s secret identity was common knowledge. 

“I don’t know, but could you please keep it a secret?” Tobey asked. 

“Of course,” Torgo said. 

“Thanks, Torgo,” Tobey said as the two of them approached her office. “She’ll probably ask about Gerard too - they met once, and apparently the whole ‘being the lead singer of My Chemical Romance’ thing really won her over.” 

Tobey knocked on the door, but strangely enough, there was no answer. “Aunt May?” he said as he knocked again, but again, there was no answer, so he opened up the door, but when he saw what was inside, his jaw dropped. 

There was someone sitting at his aunt’s desk, but it wasn’t Aunt May. Instead of Tobey’s kindly, mango-obsessed aunt, there was a brown-haired woman who seemed like she’d make a great nosy neighbor in a sitcom. 

“Who are you, and what have you done with my Aunt May?” Tobey asked. 

The woman laughed maniacally and then said, “The name’s Agatha Harkness. Lovely to finally meet you, dear!”

And then, just as Tobey and Torgo realized exactly who had thrown them back into 1966, the music began to play. 

_Who's been messing up everything?  
It's been Agatha all along  
Who's been pulling every evil string?  
It's been Agatha all along  
She's insidious (Ha, ha!)  
So perfidious  
That you haven't even noticed  
And the pity is (The pity is)  
Pity, pity, pity, pity  
It's too late to fix anything  
Now that everything has gone wrong  
Thanks to Agatha (Ha!)  
Naughty Agatha  
It's been Agatha all along_

“And I rebooted the Spider-Man movies too!”


End file.
